Friday, June 12, 2009
My Birthday
Well, that was the best birthday ever. I got two tickets to see Boyzone from the wife ( Funny, that ! She knows I hate them.) Then my sister-in-law gave me not one, not two BUT five pair of y-fronts. I've got about 250 pairs now. I got loads of deodorant and aftershave ( Brut, Old Spice, Aqua Velva ). I some times think that I'm getting a hint about something or other. Next was the little ziplock bag of these seeds and some Rizla papers from the Bro. He's an awful fucking eejit. He knows I hate gardening and I don't roll me own. So, I gave him the tickets for Boyzone. The missus was a bit pissed off, I don't know why. So was he. My daughter gave me abuse, without which my birthday would'nt be the same. The two sons clubbed together and bought me a nice new sawn-off. They said that as I had'nt replaced Herr Fangler Mangler, I needed something to deal with complaining customers. I would have prefered an Uzi but it's the thought that counts.Best of all was the lovely letter I received from someone called The Receiver. Now, I don't even know the guy but he has told me he is going to take over the business and run it for me. I thought it was a lovely gesture, especially from a total stranger. So I wrote back immediately, thanking him and I send him all my documents, invoices and all the correspondance with the big red letters on them. I said that so long as I got my usual e1000 per week, he was more than welcome to run the business. I think he must belong to some charity that helps out old people like me. I know he's not from the Euthanasia Society as I have already had to reject their offer for the moment.I got a few other bits and pieces like a voucher from my neighbours to have the dog put down, a dose of the clap from the wan I met at the party, a big box of meds from my doc ( he said he had been on my website and felt sorry for me and thought he should up-grade the meds - FOC - so I would'nt get depressed with everybody either slagging me or ignoring me. He also asked me if I would like a wee rest in Dundrum Mental Asylum. It's really nice to know that someone is concerned about me. Oh, yes, I got one more thing which really made me happy. I got this lovely letter from a firm of lawyers ( McFiddle, McGrab, Shark, Ott, Slimey and Associates ) on behalf of my customers, a sort of class action. They have taken an injunction out against me to stop me repairing any more bikes. I'm seriously pleased that they think that I should only repair their bikes but I will have to explain that a business cannot operate that way. I have to have new customers to survive. Mind you, I did notice that these customers have'nt come back but that's probably because I did such good jobs on their bikes that they don't need them fixed yet. Anyway, at least they have stopped blocking up my entrance. Cousin Vinnie and few mates had a word with them. Unfortunately, it got a bit out of hand. The customers were reluctant to leave so strong was their enthusiasm for me but some constructive argument from Vinnie saw them seeing sense. I think some of them got so excited that they fell and hurt themselves 'cos I saw some ambulances outside. Anyway, all in all, not a bad birthday. How was yours ?
My Cousin Vinnie
MY COUSIN VINNIE
Just want to share some really good news with you. My cousin Vinnie is coming home to visit. His folks emigrated to the States about 50 year ago when he was 6. I have'nt seen him since then and I am really looking forward to meeting him again. He's Italian on his father's's side and has done really well for himself. He the head of a big company called The Muffia and his full name is Vincenzo De La Scarleone. Apparently he is also know as Donkey Dick as well. Don Vincenzo Donkey Dick Scarleone. Sounds well does'nt it ? The Don must stand for Donal or Donald or something. The funny thing is that he is the only male in the company aside from his brother. Anyway, he is apparently well into bikes and is looking forward to showing me his collection. He's bringing the lot with him.His brother is coming with him. He's also part of the company but not as high up. I can understand why having seen his photograph. Far be it for me to criticise but he looks like he's one spark plug short of a full service. His name is Noncenzo or Nonce for short. Anyway, I'm really delighted they are coming over and Vinny has asked to meet all my mates and especially their wives and girlfriends. He says Nonce can't be let out on his own, why I don't know.
Absolutely over the moon ! My Cousin Vinnie has arrived. Unfortunately, his bro, Nonce, was refused entry into the country. I can't figure it out. After all, he had the full backing of the FBI for his trip. They escorted him to the airport, made sure he got on the plane, made sure he was sitting comfy and secure and even paid for his ticket ( although Vinnie told me it was one-way, which I thought was a bit mean ). Would'nt you think that after getting that sort of support from the Yanks that the Irish authorities would welcome Nonce with open arms ? Not a bit of it. Did'nt even let him off the plane.When I got to Dublin Airport I thought " Jasus, this is great ! Just look at the welcome the lads are getting. " The Garda SpecialTask Force was there there, Immigration officials, Customs, the Minister for Justice, the Arch Bishop of Dublin, even Biffo ( but he was only trying to get their vote ) the whole shooting match and all waiting on the runway just for my cousins.
" God " I thought " Is'nt it only great to famous ? "But, with typical Irish begrudgery, they sent poor Nonce straight back to the US of A. But what I really could'nt figure out is the Yanks diverted the flight straight to North Korea.Anyway, Vinnie got through ok. He had a really long session with one of the Dept. of Justice people. Took about two hours. She was a really nice looking girl and came out of the room after the session with Vinnie with a big smile on her face. So I'd say that Vinnie charmed the knickers off her. He's always had the gift of the gab.Anyway, I will keep you all updated on Cousin Vinnie's visit.
Just want to share some really good news with you. My cousin Vinnie is coming home to visit. His folks emigrated to the States about 50 year ago when he was 6. I have'nt seen him since then and I am really looking forward to meeting him again. He's Italian on his father's's side and has done really well for himself. He the head of a big company called The Muffia and his full name is Vincenzo De La Scarleone. Apparently he is also know as Donkey Dick as well. Don Vincenzo Donkey Dick Scarleone. Sounds well does'nt it ? The Don must stand for Donal or Donald or something. The funny thing is that he is the only male in the company aside from his brother. Anyway, he is apparently well into bikes and is looking forward to showing me his collection. He's bringing the lot with him.His brother is coming with him. He's also part of the company but not as high up. I can understand why having seen his photograph. Far be it for me to criticise but he looks like he's one spark plug short of a full service. His name is Noncenzo or Nonce for short. Anyway, I'm really delighted they are coming over and Vinny has asked to meet all my mates and especially their wives and girlfriends. He says Nonce can't be let out on his own, why I don't know.
Absolutely over the moon ! My Cousin Vinnie has arrived. Unfortunately, his bro, Nonce, was refused entry into the country. I can't figure it out. After all, he had the full backing of the FBI for his trip. They escorted him to the airport, made sure he got on the plane, made sure he was sitting comfy and secure and even paid for his ticket ( although Vinnie told me it was one-way, which I thought was a bit mean ). Would'nt you think that after getting that sort of support from the Yanks that the Irish authorities would welcome Nonce with open arms ? Not a bit of it. Did'nt even let him off the plane.When I got to Dublin Airport I thought " Jasus, this is great ! Just look at the welcome the lads are getting. " The Garda SpecialTask Force was there there, Immigration officials, Customs, the Minister for Justice, the Arch Bishop of Dublin, even Biffo ( but he was only trying to get their vote ) the whole shooting match and all waiting on the runway just for my cousins.
" God " I thought " Is'nt it only great to famous ? "But, with typical Irish begrudgery, they sent poor Nonce straight back to the US of A. But what I really could'nt figure out is the Yanks diverted the flight straight to North Korea.Anyway, Vinnie got through ok. He had a really long session with one of the Dept. of Justice people. Took about two hours. She was a really nice looking girl and came out of the room after the session with Vinnie with a big smile on her face. So I'd say that Vinnie charmed the knickers off her. He's always had the gift of the gab.Anyway, I will keep you all updated on Cousin Vinnie's visit.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
SCORPION HELMET REVIEW
Try this link for some great info on the Scorpion EXO 1000 helmet. Great videos which show just how good this lid is.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Af9pISZ0X8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Af9pISZ0X8
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