My Birthday

Well, that was the best birthday ever. I got two tickets to see Boyzone from the wife ( Funny, that ! She knows I hate them.) Then my sister-in-law gave me not one, not two BUT five pair of y-fronts. I've got about 250 pairs now. I got loads of deodorant and aftershave ( Brut, Old Spice, Aqua Velva ). I some times think that I'm getting a hint about something or other. Next was the little ziplock bag of these seeds and some Rizla papers from the Bro. He's an awful fucking eejit. He knows I hate gardening and I don't roll me own. So, I gave him the tickets for Boyzone. The missus was a bit pissed off, I don't know why. So was he. My daughter gave me abuse, without which my birthday would'nt be the same. The two sons clubbed together and bought me a nice new sawn-off. They said that as I had'nt replaced Herr Fangler Mangler, I needed something to deal with complaining customers. I would have prefered an Uzi but it's the thought that counts.Best of all was the lovely letter I received from someone called The Receiver. Now, I don't even know the guy but he has told me he is going to take over the business and run it for me. I thought it was a lovely gesture, especially from a total stranger. So I wrote back immediately, thanking him and I send him all my documents, invoices and all the correspondance with the big red letters on them. I said that so long as I got my usual e1000 per week, he was more than welcome to run the business. I think he must belong to some charity that helps out old people like me. I know he's not from the Euthanasia Society as I have already had to reject their offer for the moment.I got a few other bits and pieces like a voucher from my neighbours to have the dog put down, a dose of the clap from the wan I met at the party, a big box of meds from my doc ( he said he had been on my website and felt sorry for me and thought he should up-grade the meds - FOC - so I would'nt get depressed with everybody either slagging me or ignoring me. He also asked me if I would like a wee rest in Dundrum Mental Asylum. It's really nice to know that someone is concerned about me. Oh, yes, I got one more thing which really made me happy. I got this lovely letter from a firm of lawyers ( McFiddle, McGrab, Shark, Ott, Slimey and Associates ) on behalf of my customers, a sort of class action. They have taken an injunction out against me to stop me repairing any more bikes. I'm seriously pleased that they think that I should only repair their bikes but I will have to explain that a business cannot operate that way. I have to have new customers to survive. Mind you, I did notice that these customers have'nt come back but that's probably because I did such good jobs on their bikes that they don't need them fixed yet. Anyway, at least they have stopped blocking up my entrance. Cousin Vinnie and few mates had a word with them. Unfortunately, it got a bit out of hand. The customers were reluctant to leave so strong was their enthusiasm for me but some constructive argument from Vinnie saw them seeing sense. I think some of them got so excited that they fell and hurt themselves 'cos I saw some ambulances outside. Anyway, all in all, not a bad birthday. How was yours ?