My Cousin Vinnie

MY COUSIN VINNIE
Just want to share some really good news with you. My cousin Vinnie is coming home to visit. His folks emigrated to the States about 50 year ago when he was 6. I have'nt seen him since then and I am really looking forward to meeting him again. He's Italian on his father's's side and has done really well for himself. He the head of a big company called The Muffia and his full name is Vincenzo De La Scarleone. Apparently he is also know as Donkey Dick as well. Don Vincenzo Donkey Dick Scarleone. Sounds well does'nt it ? The Don must stand for Donal or Donald or something. The funny thing is that he is the only male in the company aside from his brother. Anyway, he is apparently well into bikes and is looking forward to showing me his collection. He's bringing the lot with him.His brother is coming with him. He's also part of the company but not as high up. I can understand why having seen his photograph. Far be it for me to criticise but he looks like he's one spark plug short of a full service. His name is Noncenzo or Nonce for short. Anyway, I'm really delighted they are coming over and Vinny has asked to meet all my mates and especially their wives and girlfriends. He says Nonce can't be let out on his own, why I don't know.

Absolutely over the moon ! My Cousin Vinnie has arrived. Unfortunately, his bro, Nonce, was refused entry into the country. I can't figure it out. After all, he had the full backing of the FBI for his trip. They escorted him to the airport, made sure he got on the plane, made sure he was sitting comfy and secure and even paid for his ticket ( although Vinnie told me it was one-way, which I thought was a bit mean ). Would'nt you think that after getting that sort of support from the Yanks that the Irish authorities would welcome Nonce with open arms ? Not a bit of it. Did'nt even let him off the plane.When I got to Dublin Airport I thought " Jasus, this is great ! Just look at the welcome the lads are getting. " The Garda SpecialTask Force was there there, Immigration officials, Customs, the Minister for Justice, the Arch Bishop of Dublin, even Biffo ( but he was only trying to get their vote ) the whole shooting match and all waiting on the runway just for my cousins.
" God " I thought " Is'nt it only great to famous ? "But, with typical Irish begrudgery, they sent poor Nonce straight back to the US of A. But what I really could'nt figure out is the Yanks diverted the flight straight to North Korea.Anyway, Vinnie got through ok. He had a really long session with one of the Dept. of Justice people. Took about two hours. She was a really nice looking girl and came out of the room after the session with Vinnie with a big smile on her face. So I'd say that Vinnie charmed the knickers off her. He's always had the gift of the gab.Anyway, I will keep you all updated on Cousin Vinnie's visit.